I Couldn't Recognize You

Women Will be Women.
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One Day A 54 year old lady had a heart attack & was taken to the hospital.

While on the operation, she had a near death experience.

On that Time, Seeing God she asked, "Is my Life Completed?"

God replied, "No, you have another 34 years to live."

Upon Heart Recovery, the woman decided to stay in the hospital & have a Face-Lift, Liposuction, & Tummy Tuck. She even changed her hair colors and style also.. Now she looks like 40 years Women..

Finally she was released from the hospital.

One day, While crossing the road on her way home, she was killed by a truck.

In Heaven, Arriving in front of God, she asked, "You said I had another 34 years to live. Why didn't you save me from the truck?"

(You'll love this)
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God replied: "I Couldn't Recognize You!" 

Must Read Inspirational Story....................

Must Read Inspirational Story....................

This is a true story of a young woman who went through the most gruesome fire. When you read her story, you’ll realize that your trials are absolutely nothing compared to what this young girl went through.

It was September 25, 2000. Maricel Apatan was an 11-year old girl in Zamboanga. On that day, this little girl went with her uncle to draw water.

Along the way, four men met them. They were carrying long knives. They told her uncle to face down on the ground, and they hacked him on the neck and killed him.

Maricel was in total shock, especially that the men were their neighbors. She tried to escape, but the men ran after her.

She cried, “Kuya, ‘wag po, ‘wag n’yo akong tagain! Maawa po kayo sa akin!” (“Don’t kill me! Have mercy on me!”)

But they weren’t listening. With a long knife, a man slashed her on the neck too.

Maricel fell to the ground and lost consciousness.

When she woke up, she saw a lot of blood. She also saw the feet of the men around her, but she pretended to be dead.

When they walked away, Maricel ran back home. But along the way, she saw that both her hands were falling off. Because the men hacked them too. She cried but she kept running.

Sometimes, she would faint and fall to the ground. But she’d regain consciousness and run again.

When she was near her home, Maricel called her mother.

Upon seeing her daughter, her mother screamed in terror. She wrapped her bloodied child in a blanket and carried her to the hospital.

Here was the problem: From her house to the highway, it was a 12-kilometer walk. It took them 4 hours just to reach the highway.

When they arrived in the hospital, the doctors thought Maricel was going to die. But for 5 hours, they operated on her. It took 25 stitches to stitch together the long knife wound in her neck and back.

Maricel barely survived. And she lost both of her hands.

Ironically, the next day was Maricel’s birthday. She was 12 years old.

But tragedy didn’t end there. When they went home, they saw their home was gone. It was ransacked and burned down by the goons.

Being very poor, Maricel’s family also didn’t have P50,000 for their hospital bills.

But God sent many angels along the way to help them.

Archbishop Antonio Ledesma, a distant relative, paid for hospital bills and helped them bring the criminals to court. They were sentenced to prison.

Today, she’s staying with the nuns at Regina Rosarii with Sr. Eppie Brasil, O.P.

But this is the incredible miracle. Instead of staying down, Maricel kept running.

Instead of cursing God why she had no hands, she now uses her wrists in incredible ways that will boggle your mind.

Maricel Apatan - Maricel was cited as the most industrious, best in computer, and most courteous in the School for Crippled Children.

In 2008, she graduated from a course in Hotel and Restaurant Management. She even received a Gold medal for Arts and Crafts.

In 2011, she finished her education to be a chef. Yes, a Chef without hands.

Nothing can stop this young lady from reaching her dreams.

"Real Winners Don’t Give Up!" 

THE PAINFUL PART OF PARENTHOOD

A poor couple who lived in a small village in London. They had only one son. Gave him the best education. Son graduated as an Engineer in the nearby city. Eventually,got married to a rich girl.

Initially, they lived with his parents in the village. Soon the wife got tired of village life and persuaded the husband to move to the city leaving the old parents in the village.

As time passed by the husband seen an advert in the newspaper about a vacancy in Barnet. He was successful and lived in Barnet for years with his wife. Regularly he used to send money to parents.


Eventually with time he stopped and forgot about his parents ever existed.


Every year he made Hajj(pilgrimage) and immediately after that he used to see someone telling him in a dream that his Hajj is not accepted.


One day he related story to a pious Aalim who advised him to go back to London to visit his parents.


The man flew to London and reached the boundary of the village. Everything had changed. He could not find his house. He asked a small boy about the whereabouts of so and so. The little boy directed the man to a house and said:

“In this house lives an old blind lady who lost her husband a few months ago. She has a son who migrated to Saudi Arabia years back and never came back again. What an unfortunate man?”


Son enters the home and finds his mother on the bed. He tip-toed as not to wake her up.He hears the mother whispering or mumbling something. He gets closer to hear her voice. This is what the mother was saying:

“God ! I am now very old and blind. My husband just died. There is NO HUSBAND to lower me in my grave when I die. So please send my son to fulfill my last wish. “

This is the ending of a story where the PRAYERS of a mother is accepted.

A human body can bear only 45 del (unit) of pain. But at the time of giving birth,a mother feels up to 57 del(unit) of pain. This is similar to 20 BONES GETTING FRACTURED, all at the same time!!


LOVE YOUR MOTHER WITH EVERY RESOURCE IN YOUR LIFE, EVEN WITH YOUR HUSBAND OR WIFE. ♥ LOVE YOUR PARENTS ♥ 

THE 4 WIFES - An Inspirational Story

There was a rich merchant who had 4 wifes. He loved the 4th wife the most and adorned her with rich robes and treated her to delicacies.He took great care of her and gave her nothing but the best.

He also loved the 3rd wife very much. He's very proud of her and always wanted to show off her to his friends. However, the merchant is always in great fear that she might run away with some other men.

He too, loved his 2nd wife. She is a very considerate person, always patient and infact is the merchant's confidante. Whenever the merchant faced some problems, he always turned to his 2nd wife and she would always help him out and tide him through difficult times.

Now, the merchant's 1st wife is a very loyal partner and has made great contributions in maintaining his wealth and business as well as taking care of the household. However, the merchant did not love the first wife and although she loved him deeply, he hardly took notice of her.

One day, the merchant fell ill. Before long, he knew that he was going to die soon. He thought of his luxurious life and told himself, "Now I have 4 wives with me. But when I die, I'll be alone. How lonely I'll be

Thus, he asked the 4th wife,"I loved you most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying,will you follow me and keep me company?" "No way!" replied the 4th wife andshe walked away without another word.

The answer cut like a sharp knife right into the merchant's heart. The sad merchant then asked the 3rd wife, "I have loved you so much for all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company?""No!"replied the 3rd wife."Life is so good over here! I'm going to remarry when you die!" The merchant's heart sank and turned cold.

He then asked the 2nd wife,"Ialways turned to you for helpand you've always helped meout. Now I need your help again. When I die, will you follow me and keep me company?" "I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time!" replied the 2nd wife. "At the very most, I can only send you to your grave." The answer came like a bolt of thunder and the merchant was devastated.

Then a voice called out : "I'll leave with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go." The merchant looked up and there was his first wife. She was so skinny, almost like she suffered from malnutrition. Greatly grieved, the merchant said, "I should have taken much better care of you while I could have !"

'Every man and woman has four wives or husbands. What do these wives signify?'

*THE FOURTH WIFE
The 4th 'wife' is our body. We love our body day and night. In the morning, we wash our face, put on clothing and shoes. We give food to our body. We take care of our body like the fourth wife in this story. But unfortunately, at the end of our life, the body, the first 'wife' cannot follow us to the next world. As it is stated in a commentary, 'When the last breath leaves our body, the healthy color of the face is transformed, and we lose the appearance of radiant life. Our loved ones may gather around and lament, but to no avail. When such an event occurs, the body is sent into an open field and cremated, leaving only the white ashes.'This is the destination of our body.

*THE THiRD WiFE
Our 3rd wife ? Our possessions, status and wealth. When we die, they all go to others.

*THE SECOND WiFE
The 2nd wife is our family and friends. No matter how close they had been there for us when we're alive, the furthest they can stay by us is up to the grave.

*THE FiRST WiFE
The 1st wife is in fact our soul, often neglected in our pursuit of material, wealth and sensual pleasure.

Heart Touching Story

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.

He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water.

She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?" "You don't owe me anything," she replied "Mother has taught us never to accept payment for a kindness." He said... "Then I thank you from my heart."

As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt; stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.

Years later that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation.

When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her.

He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to the case. After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval.

He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally, she looked, and something caught her attention on the side as she read these words...... " Paid in full with one glass of milk." (Signed) Dr. Howard Kelly.

Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You, GOD, that Your love has spread abroad through human hearts and hands." 

HELPLESS LOVE : A BEAUTIFUL STORY ABOUT LOVE. *MUST READ*

Once upon a time all feelings and emotions went to a coastal island for a vacation. According to their nature, each was having a good time. Suddenly, a warning of an impending storm was announced and everyone was advised to evacuate the island.

The announcement caused sudden panic. All rushed to their boats. Even damaged boats were quickly repaired and commissioned for duty.

Yet, Love did not wish to flee quickly. There was so much to do. But as the clouds darkened, Love realised it was time to leave. Alas, there were no boats to spare. Love looked around with hope.

Just then Prosperity passed by in a luxurious boat. Love shouted, “Prosperity, could you please take me in your boat?”

“No,” replied Prosperity, “my boat is full of precious possessions, gold and silver. There is no place for you.”

A little later Vanity came by in a beautiful boat. Again Love shouted, “Could you help me, Vanity? I am stranded and need a lift. Please take me with you.”

Vanity responded haughtily, “No, I cannot take you with me. My boat will get soiled with your muddy feet.”

Sorrow passed by after some time. Again, Love asked for help. But it was to no avail. “No, I cannot take you with me. I am so sad. I want to be by myself.”

When Happiness passed by a few minutes later, Love again called for help. But Happiness was so happy that it did not look around, hardly concerned about anyone.

Love was growing restless and dejected. Just then somebody called out, “Come Love, I will take you with me.” Love did not know who was being so magnanimous, but jumped on to the boat, greatly relieved that she would reach a safe place.

On getting off the boat, Love met Knowledge. Puzzled, Love inquired, “Knowledge, do you know who so generously gave me a lift just when no one else wished to help?”

Knowledge smiled, “Oh, that was Time.”

“And why would Time stop to pick me and take me to safety?” Love wondered.

Knowledge smiled with deep wisdom and replied, “Because only Time knows your true greatness and what you are capable of. Only Love can bring peace and great happiness in this world.”

MORAL OF THE STORY :-
When we are prosperous, we overlook love. When we feel important, we forget love. Even in happiness and sorrow we forget love. Only with time do we realize the importance of love. Why wait that long? Why not make love a part of your life today?”

SPREAD THIS BEAUTIFUL MESSAGE TO YOUR FRIENDS 

The Bus Conductor <<-- Must Read Thriller Story!!! -->>

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.

One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus.

Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot. Angry passengers took the conductor to the police station, who in turn took him to the court.

The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment.

He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also, the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot.

Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The judge took one look at the conductor and gave him capital punishment. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also, to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus.

This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the bus. Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his
injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment.

The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.

This time he died instantly !!!!!!!!!!!

The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died instantly the third time??

Try to solve it yourselves. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again.

Still couldn't? Then see below.........

Think hard

Common.............

Tired....?

Wanna know the answer????

Okay........ here is the Answer............

During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the third time, he was a good conductor, so electricity passed through him freely and he died !!!!

Note:-

Don't swear at me!! I am also looking for the guy who sent me this... and for the Banana Peel, someone must have removed it by now, don't bother! 

Women will Never Change!!!

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident.

It's a bad one, caused by the woman's reckless driving.

Both of their cars are demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says;

“So, you're a man. That's interesting. I'm a woman.

Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt.

This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

The man replied," I agree with you completely. This must be a sign from God!

The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle.

My car is completely damaged, but this bottle of wine didn't break.

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune." Then she hands the bottle to the man.

The man nods his head in agreement, opens it, drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman.

The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

She replies, "Nah. I think I'll just wait for the police to come and collect their evidence."

Adam ate the apple again !

Men will NEVER learn ! Women will Never change!!! 

Frog, Bear and Rabbit..

One day a magical frog sees a bear chasing after a rabbit for dinner.

In an attempt to bring peace to his magical forest, the frog hops up to the two and promises them 3 wishes each if they stop this violence.

After both animals agreed, the frog chooses the bear to state his first wish, first.

After thinking for a while, the bear says, "I wish for all the bears in this forest to be female except me."

Next is the rabbit's turn, "I wish for a motorcycle helmet," he says.

The bear laughed, what an idiotic wish to make he thought to himself.

The bear then says, "I wish for all the bears in this country to be female except me."

The rabbit next says, "I wish for a motorcycle that requires no gas."

The bear, almost tearing from laughter, says, "You could have wished for money to get those two things!"

He then proceeds to make his final wish, after thinking for a while, he says to the frog, "I wish for all the bears in the world to be female except for me!" He smiles smugly.

The rabbit then puts on his helmet, hops on his motorcycle, grins to the bear and says, "I wish for this bear to be gay." 

Employee vs Boss - Awesome Conversation..

An employee goes to his boss to discuss his appraisal. Boss starts asking questions:

Boss - There are 50 bricks on an airplane. If you drop 1 outside. How many are left?

Employee - That's easy. There are 49 left.

Boss - How would you put an elephant into a fridge?

Employee - Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Then close the fridge.

Boss - How would you put a deer into the fridge?

Employee - Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Then close the fridge.

Boss - It's the lion's birthday. All animals are at the party except one. Who is missing & why?

Employee - Deer is missing because it is in the fridge.

Boss - An old woman wants to cross a swamp filled with crocodiles. How will she do it?

Employee - She just has to cross from 1 side to the other because all the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday party.

Boss - Last question. The old lady still died why crossing the swamp. How?

Employee - Err... I guess she drowned?

Boss - No! She was hit by the brick that fell from the airplane.

You may leave. 

POLISH REMOVER

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
 
Although his English was not perfect, they got along very well.

One day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him to arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?
Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
It made of concrete.

I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean what are your relations like?
All my relations still in Poland .

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
No, I always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
I got proof.

What kind of proof?
She going to poison me.......................
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She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom.
I can read English pretty good, and it say: POLISH REMOVER -

Customer Vs Waiter... Very Funny Conversation..

Customer :Waiter, do you serve crabs?
Waiter :Please sit down sir, we serve everyone.

Customer:Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?
Waiter:Can't you tell the difference by taste?

Customer:No, I can't.
Waiter:Then does it really matter?

Customer:Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.
Waiter:Yes sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Customer:Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.
Waiter:That' s all right sir, he won't drink much.

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

Customer:Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup.
Waiter: So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer: Waiter, there’s a fly in my soup.
Waiter: That’s all right sir, he won’t drink much.

Customer :Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?
Waiter :I wouldn't know sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller. 

Clever Boy

In a shop a man asked for 1/2 kg of butter.

The salesperson, a young boy, said that only 1kg packs were available in the shop, but the man insisted on buying only 1/2 kg.

So the boy went inside to the manager's room and said "An idiot outside wants to buy only 1/2 kg of butter".

To his surprise, the customer was standing right behind him..!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!

So the boy added immediately, "And this gentleman wants to buy the other half!!!!!!".

After the customer left, the manager said "You have saved your position by being clever enough at the right time. Where do you come from?"

To this the boy said, "I come from Brazil. The place consists of only prostitutes and football players!!!!!"

The manager replied coldly, "My wife is also from Brazil ".

To this the boy asked excitedly, "Oh yeah? Which team does she plays for?"

Presence of mind helps, Never Panic....!!! 

Beautiful story... MUST READ..

A very poor man lived with his wife...

One day, his wife, who had very long hair asked him to buy her a comb for her hair to grow well and to be well-groomed... The man felt very sorry and said, "NO"

He explained that he did not even have enough money to fix the strap of his watch he had just
broken... She did not insist on her request..

The man went to work and passed by a watch shop, sold his damaged watch at a low price and went to buy a comb for his wife...

He came home in the evening with the comb in his hand ready to give to his wife...

He was surprised when he saw his wife with a very short hair cut..

She had sold her hair and was holding a new watch band..

Tears flowed simultaneously from their eyes, not for the futility of their actions.., but, for the reciprocity of their love...

MORAL: To love is nothing, to be loved is something but to love and to be loved by the one you love,
that is EVERYTHING...

Never take love for granted... ? 

What is real love.....??

Let Me tell U...:-)?

1. Real love is whn u lay awake at night and wish dat person was lying next to u....

2. Real love is feeling dat person move u insde ur heart, evn if they are one thousand miles away...

3. Real love is wishing so hard dat u could dream about thm every night whn u go to bed....

4. Real love is whn u look at a picture of thm and say wow!!?

5. Real love is whn whatever happens in ur day, whatever music u listen to, whatever u read, whatever u imagine, whatever

someone says to u, it reminds u of thm....

6. Real love is whn u have a passion a desire to tell thm how much u love thm....

7. Real love is whn u cry urself to sleep as they will never be urs..

8. Real love is whn there is simply no words to explain how ur feeling....:-/?

9. Real love is whn no matter where u go in life, or whatever happens dat one person will always be there, following u like

a shadow.....

10. Real love is what lasts forever and ever and ever until forever never ever ends!!!!?

How a son/daughter thinks of his/her father at different age.....

At 4 years....:My Dad is great!

At 6 years....:My Daddy knows everything.

At 10 years.....: My Daddy is good but he is short tempered.

At 12years....: My Daddy was nice to me when I was young.

At 16 years.....: My Daddy is not in line with the current times. Frankly he does not know anything.

At 18 years...: My Daddy is becoming increasingly cranky and unreasonable.

At 20 years....: Oh! It is becoming difficult to tolerate Daddy! Wonder how Mother puts up with him!

At 25 years...: Daddy is objecting to everything.. Don't know when will he understand the world.

At 30 years...: It is becoming difficult to manage my son! I used to be so scared of my Dad when I was young...

At 40 years...: Daddy brought me up with so much discipline.. I wonder how he managed to handle the younger generation!..

At 45 years....: I am baffled as to how my Daddy brought us up..

At 50 years...: My Daddy faced so many hardship to bring us up...(we were 3 brothers and 2 sisters) I am unable to manage a single child!

At 55 years...: My Daddy was so far sighted and planned so many things for us. Even at this old age, he is able to control things. He is one of his kind and unique.

At 60 years...: ' My Daddy was great!

Don't take so many years.....Realize it in time!

Husband & Wife Funny Conversation - Must Read

One Day An Angry Wife To Her Husband 0n Phone: ”Where the Hell are you …?”

Husband: Darling do you remember the jewellery shop where you saw a very beautiful gold necklace and were desperate to buy it, but I didn’t have the money but promised to get it later when I get my salary…

Wife, With A Smile & Blushing: Sure I remember it my dear.

Husband: I am in the cafe next to that jewellery shop!!

Few Hours Later,

Husband sends a text message to his wife: “Hi, what are you doing Darling?”

Wife: I’m dying..!

Husband jumps with joy but types “Sweet Heart, how can I live without you?”

Wife: “You fool! I am dying my hair..”

Husband: “Bloody English Language

Before Sleeping,

Wife : How much do you love me ?

Husband : I love U so much, I can't measure.

Wife : No just tell me....

Husband : Okay, I am like a cell phone & you are my sim card, i am nothing without you...

Wife : Wow ! that's so romantic...

Husband (saying to himself): Thank God she doesn't know, this is a Chinese phone, with FOUR sim cards... 

So Expensive Parrots - Very Very Funny Story

Once a man went to buy a parrot.....

Man: These parrots seem nice, but show me the best and healthy ones....

Shopkeeper: Sure sir, I have three best parrots.....

Soon the shopkeeper brought those 3 parrots.....

Man: How much each of them costs...??

Shopkeeper: The 1st parrot costs 1000$, 2nd parrot costs 2000$ and the 3rd parrot costs 5000$.

Man: That's interesting, but why so expensive....??

Shopkeeper: The 1st parrot can speak many languages and even knows about Windows XP.....

Man: Wow...What about the second parrot...??

Shopkeeper: Well he also knows many languages, plus he knows some things about Windows XP and Linux Operating System....

Man: That's amazing....What ­ about the 3rd one...Why he costs $5000....?? Which languages he knows...??

Shopkeeper: Well, frankly speaking, he just fires bad words and doesn't know anything, but the other two parrots call him"BOSS......!!" 

John vs Teacher - Very Very Funny Joke

It is near the Christmas break of the school year.The students have turned in all
their work and there is really nothing more to do.All the children are restless and
the teacher decides to have an early dismissal.

Teacher: Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early
today.

Little John says to himself Good I want to get outta here. I m smart and will answer the question.

Teacher: Who said Four Score and Seven Years Ago?

Before John can open his mouth Susie says Abraham Lincoln.

Teacher: That's right Susie you can go home.

John is mad that Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: Who said I Have a Dream?

Before John can open his mouth Mary says Martin Luther King.

Teacher: That's right Mary you can go.

John is even madder than before.

Teacher: Who said Ask not what your country can do for you?

Before John can open his mouth Nancy says John F.Kennedy.

Teacher:That's right Nancy you may also leave.

John is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions.
When the teacher turns her back John says I wish these bitches would keep their
mouths shut.

The teacher turns around:NOW WHO SAID THAT?

John: TIGER WOODS.CAN I GO NOW? 

Some of the best moments in life

 Lying in bed listening to
the rain outside

- Thinking about the person U love

- Taking a long drive on a
clam road

- Finding money in your old
jeans just U need it

- Holding your hands with
your friend

- Getting a hug from some
one special

- The moment your eyes are
filled with tears after a big
laugh

- Talking With Someone Special At Mid-night

- Getting Good Morning Text From Special One..

Hit " Like " If One of these has ever happened with you.. 

Management lesson

One night when the whole world was sleeping, a thief broke into the house, the washer man was fast asleep but the donkey and the dog were awake. The dog decided not to bark since the master did not take good care of him and wanted to teach him a lesson. The donkey got worried and said to the dog that if he doesn't bark, the donkey will have to do something himself. The dog did not change his mind and the donkey started braying loudly. Hearing the donkey bray, the thief ran away, the master woke up and started beating the donkey for braying in the middle of the night for no reason.Moral of the story: One must not engage in duties other than his own.Now take a new look at the same story.The washer man was like a typical top management corporate guy. He had the fundas of looking at the bigger picture and thinking out of the box. He was convinced that there must be some reason for the donkey to bray in the night. He walked outside a little and did some fact finding, applied a research approach, figured out from the ground realities that there was a thief who broke in and the donkey only wanted to alert him about it. Looking at the donkey's extra initiative and going beyond the call of the duty, he rewarded him with lot of hay and other perks and the donkey became his favorite pet. The dog's life didn't change much, except that now the donkey was more motivated in doing the dogs duties as well.In the Appraisal the dog managed an "7". The donkey was rated as "9". Soon the dog realized that the donkey is taking care of his duties and he can enjoy his life sleeping and lazing around. The donkey had to live up to his already high performance standards. Soon he was over burdened with work and always under pressure and now is looking for a switch....

Moral of the story-Remains the same- "One must not engage in duties other than his own"

Disclaimer: All characters in the story are not at all imaginary. Any resemblance to person living or dying of work

NEVER UNDERESTIMATE YOUR PARTNER’S WORK

A man came home from work and found his 3 children outside,

 still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes

 and wrappers strewn around garden. The door of his wife’s car 

was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog,

 walking in the door, he found… an even bigger mess.

 A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall,

 in the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel,

 the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

 In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter,

 the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor,

 a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was 

spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping 

over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife.

 He was worried she might be ill, or that something serious

 had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as

 it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside 

he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor.

 Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been 

smeared over the mirror and walls. As he rushed to the bedroom,

 he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas,

 reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled and asked 

how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked,

 ‘What happened here today?’ She again smiled and answered, 

‘You know every day when you come home from work and 

you ask me what in the world do I do all day?’ Yes, was his

incredulous reply. She answered, ‘Well, today I didn’t do it.’

Monkey In Bar - Funny Joke

A man takes a monkey into a bar the man orders beer the bartender asks if he can give the monkey some grapes the man says sure

The monkey eats the grapes across the room

There are some guys playing pool the monkey jumps off the table and on to the pool table and swallows the cue ball the

Man rolls his eyes gets the monkey and walks out of the bar

About a week later the man comes back into the bar with the monkey and again orders a beer the bartender again asks if he can give the monkey some grapes

The man looks at the monkey and says yeah sure he puts the bowl of grapes in front of the monkey

The monkey looks at the grape then sticks it in his butt then eats it he does this a few times and the bartender says why is he doing that

The man says since the cue ball incident he measures everything before he eats it.